It’s strange. That comment just
about sums up the entirety of my feelings. Waking up confused as to where I am
in the mornings is still the prominent feeling. It still takes a few seconds to
figure out where I am. Things have changed yet again, but this time it has been
towards something that should feel familiar…so why does it still feel foreign?
For those of you that do not know,
or have not figured it out, I have returned to the country of my own origin.
Don’t feel bad if you feel like you are the last to know. It was kept a secret
on purpose even though I have known since I was in Colombia. I wanted to
surprise people and it has been successful. Those that knew before you, only
know because theirs and my paths just happened to cross. I will touch a little
more on my feelings of being home, towards the end of this, but for now, I do
still have a couple of adventures to catch you up on.
I believe I left off still in Santa
Lucia Cotzumalguapa, Guatemala at my friend Astrid’s home. After having visited
the memories of my mission, Astrid and I caught an evening bus to the Peten
area of Guatemala, which basically encompasses all of the northern area of the
country. Back in the 1950s it was still considered uninhabitable due to the
intensely thick jungles and the dangers that come with it, not to mention the
insanely humid heat that is inescapable. Since the fame of the most spectacular
ruins of Tikal and El Mirador and other attractions, the population has since
skyrocketed. That being said, there are still no large cities to be found. We
arrived at Peten Lake at 5 a.m. and quickly found a hotel on the island of
Flores with a balcony overlooking the lake. It was a stunning view to see the
sun rising over the lake. We didn’t have much time to enjoy it though since the
tour van to Tikal picked us up at 6. An hour after that, we had circled the
lake and found ourselves in the middle of the wild rainforest with nothing but
a sign of a map and a path laid out in front of us. As we passed little
lagoons, signs advised caution of the caimans. I wanted to go out searching for
them, but was restrained by Astrid, therefore, we never did see one. While
pursuing a giant butterfly I was also able to demonstrate to Astrid some of the
dangers of the rainforests when it lit on a tree covered in 4 inch thorns. It
was a perfect lesson as to why you must be ever vigilant in the jungle.
I had been told that I would see
monkeys, though I wasn’t sure how probable it was. No one told me that spider
monkeys in the Tikal jungle are more abundant than squirrels in the mountains
of Utah. I could’ve spent the entire day taking pictures and following the
monkeys, but knew that there were others in my presence that perhaps might not
share the fascination. I did have a pretty intense desire to see the iconic
ruins as well though. So I didn’t mind paying less attention to the monkeys.
We saw several smaller pyramids and
buildings before ascending the tallest temple IV. As the steps broke free of
the canopy, the view was breathtaking. We stood at the highest point as far as
the eye could see. Within less than a kilometer of us there were several other
temples poking their heads above the canopy. It was an artistic break from the
canvas of green that surrounded everything else. If you looked carefully below
us in the tops of the jungles, every now and again you might see the periodic
spider monkey or howler monkey. It was a special experience.
The biggest pest we encountered was
also one of the smallest. As always in the jungle you need to be careful not to
stay put for too long, or at least be ware of where you decide to rest. All of
the ants in the jungle bite, and don’t be fooled by their size, they pack a
painful bite. Other than that, we were not bothered too badly by anything, or
anyone else. The park was even fairly void of tourists, which was wonderful.
In some of
the structures in Tikal you can enter into small rooms, but be warned that if
you have any fear of bats, I would advise that you stay out, since bats are
found in almost every room. There are various species, but none of which are
too terribly large. The main plaza was spectacular and every bit of it was
worth the visit and the somewhat pricey entrance fee. After having wandered and
visited the majority of the ruins on the grounds, we were about to return to
the entrance when the jungle decided to show us why they call it a rainforest.
As the clouds opened up, we were soaked in a fraction of a second. It was
pointless to seek shelter. We made our way back to the entrance in the downpour.
All in all the trip was well worth it, and I have finally visited the ruins
that made the Mayans as famous as they are.
After another day in Flores, Astrid and I said our goodbyes
and in spite of the tears she shed, I still had to head my own direction as she
returned to her home on the Pacific coast.
A few hours
later I found myself crossing the border into Mexico and on to Palenque. The
whole state of Chiapas Mexico is known for its gorgeous wilderness and
incredible Mayan ruins. At this point of my trip, I am all but out of funds and
time, so Palenque and Chiapas where nothing but a bus station as I made my way
to Villahermosa.
For those
of you planning to visit southern Mexico, let me just say, you can skip over
Villahermosa. It is the opposite of what its name implies. I found nothing
about it Hermosa and the heat was intense along with the hotels being
overpriced. I stayed at the cheapest one and while I paid more than I had
hoped, I received less. I sweat my way through the night since the fan above me
was worthless. You know how if you try to wipe up a mess with an already messy
rag, the results are more mess. Now apply that principle to the heat and the
fan. I served in the temple the next morning and then made my way around the
gulf coast to Veracruz. It took the rest of the day and evening to make it
there.
For the most part, Mexico is
dirtier than most of the places I have been, the people are definite Mexicans
in their way of speaking and their mentality. No one approves of their
government or the Federales. They recognize the corruption, but nobody knows
what can be done about it, unless there were to be a civil war, which most of
the people I spoke with, would fully support. The streets of every city I went
to are blatantly plastered with sin and corruption and filth. In the couple of
hotels that I ended up in, in my last few days that had televisions, were used
as though no television existed. Once again, if you find yourself in southern
Mexico, just don’t turn on the tv. It is not worth it.
Veracruz, as a city has some very
beautiful locations and is quite clean, relatively speaking. The heat is still
unbearable, but the location is beautiful and the people are kind and helpful.
I stayed long enough to serve in the temple and to realize that all the surfing
was further than I desired to travel, but the beaches are pleasant.
My last
three nights in foreign countries were spent in Mexico City, in a very shady
part of town. Every night I lay in bed listening to the gunshots in the
surrounding neighborhoods, and the sirens that followed. Though I, personally, never felt in danger, I
did spend much of those evenings thinking about those that have not been as
blessed as I have been to have such an incredible family. I thought about the
dangers they’ve grown up with, and the choices they make day in and day out.
Many of those choices end up affecting the lives of others in irreversible
ways. What a sad way to live. It’s true that many choose that life for comfort,
or a certain measure of security, but too often there are those that choose
that life out of greed or sheer rebellion, or even the excitement. These are
they for whom I fear. I found my prayers directed towards all those involved in
the shootings each night, and for their families that live in fear each night
that they may never see their loved one again.
The Monday before returning home to
the States, I had one last visit to a tourist trap and I’m glad I did,
especially because it was surprisingly super cheap. I visited the Mayan ruins
of Teotihuacan. Though the ruins do not span the area that Tikal does, they are
no less spectacular and awe inspiring. In fact, the pyramids of the moon and
sun are truly colossal. The pyramid of the sun stands at over 200 ft high. On
its apex you can see your surroundings for miles and with no jungles to impair
the view, the people below are truly miniscule. The sites and views are
amazing, but perhaps more intriguing is the artwork of the area that is more
preserved than that of Tikal due to the cooler/drier weather in Mexico City.
The numerous depictions of Quetzalcoatl are fascinating to see. The history of
the area of Mesoamerica is incredible and interesting in many aspects. For me
there is a religious fascination as well as historical. I love to read and
study about all of the people and to be able to see the work of their hands is
priceless.
On Wednesday the nineteenth of
September I boarded a plane in Mexico City bound for Las Vegas. It was strange
to stare out of the window and recognize the moment that I crossed back into my
beloved country. Was this really happening? Was I really going home? So long
have I been on the road in these other countries that it has come to be my
life. The first couple of months I was gone, it was difficult at times emotionally
and physically, but now, nearly five months after having begun my journey I
find myself accustomed to the lifestyle. While standing waiting to pass through
immigrations, a young man behind me told me how much he loved the fact that in
Mexico he could do all of the things he can’t do here in the states and that he
wanted to head back and stay for like a month. I pity people like that. Aside
from the fact that he lives as a servant to his vices, I doubt he understands
or appreciates the true value of other countries. Like so many, he may never see
the true value. Others will never see the side of the countries that I’ve seen
and will be content to be blinded to reality.
From Vegas I flew to San Francisco
and on to Reno where I met my parents. It was great to see them again though it
almost felt like I had only been gone for a couple of weeks. Now, as I said, I
find myself in a familiar land, but with unfamiliar feelings. Where to from
here? What’s next? Once again I enter the world of anxiety and stress. I find myself in a country of loud and
boisterous people. A people I love, but see differently, not because they have
changed, but because my perception has.
Five months ago I set out to
fulfill a dream that I have had since I was a child. Many things have not gone
as I had planned, sometimes that has been for the better and at other times it
has frustrated me, but more than anything I have learned more about myself than
I imagined I would. Many of the plans I had made, I had believed were dreams,
but as it turns out, they are no longer even remote interests. My conviction
however, remains. If there are unfulfilled dreams in your life…do all in your
power to complete them. Always accomplish the goals you set if at all possible.
Never settle for less than the best. That goes for the things in your life, but
perhaps more importantly it refers to your own pursuits and accomplishments. We
all have a potential to reach that is way beyond what most of us will even
attempt. Remember the words of Nelson Mandela, “Our deepest fear is not that we
are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is
our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I
to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is
nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure
around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest
the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in
everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same. As we were liberated from our own fear, our presence
automatically liberates others.” So many times have I shared these words with
others and somehow I guess they only touched the surface of my own
understanding. Only now have I begun to realize that I have lived my life way
below my potential. I had never acknowledged until now that it is due to my own
fears of the responsibility that comes with reaching my potential. It would be
so much easier to find a comfy job and get settled and live a good life, but
that is not who I am. I am a God by birthright. My goal and greatest desire now
is to live a life worthy of that divine nature. My potential is way beyond what
I have pushed myself to. It is time to find the limits of my potential and push
beyond them. As you and God are my witness, I will be the man God intends for
me to be. I will no longer be controlled by that fear that I once refused to
believe even existed. Doubt not, fear not.
I hope whomever has read these
words, over the past many months, have felt inspired to live their lives a
little better ad it is my prayer that we all might live up to our true
potential. I leave you with these thoughts and desires. May we make the world a better place by our
actions and not just our desires. God be with you.