It is Finished

It’s strange. That comment just about sums up the entirety of my feelings. Waking up confused as to where I am in the mornings is still the prominent feeling. It still takes a few seconds to figure out where I am. Things have changed yet again, but this time it has been towards something that should feel familiar…so why does it still feel foreign?

For those of you that do not know, or have not figured it out, I have returned to the country of my own origin. Don’t feel bad if you feel like you are the last to know. It was kept a secret on purpose even though I have known since I was in Colombia. I wanted to surprise people and it has been successful. Those that knew before you, only know because theirs and my paths just happened to cross. I will touch a little more on my feelings of being home, towards the end of this, but for now, I do still have a couple of adventures to catch you up on.

I believe I left off still in Santa Lucia Cotzumalguapa, Guatemala at my friend Astrid’s home. After having visited the memories of my mission, Astrid and I caught an evening bus to the Peten area of Guatemala, which basically encompasses all of the northern area of the country. Back in the 1950s it was still considered uninhabitable due to the intensely thick jungles and the dangers that come with it, not to mention the insanely humid heat that is inescapable. Since the fame of the most spectacular ruins of Tikal and El Mirador and other attractions, the population has since skyrocketed. That being said, there are still no large cities to be found. We arrived at Peten Lake at 5 a.m. and quickly found a hotel on the island of Flores with a balcony overlooking the lake. It was a stunning view to see the sun rising over the lake. We didn’t have much time to enjoy it though since the tour van to Tikal picked us up at 6. An hour after that, we had circled the lake and found ourselves in the middle of the wild rainforest with nothing but a sign of a map and a path laid out in front of us. As we passed little lagoons, signs advised caution of the caimans. I wanted to go out searching for them, but was restrained by Astrid, therefore, we never did see one. While pursuing a giant butterfly I was also able to demonstrate to Astrid some of the dangers of the rainforests when it lit on a tree covered in 4 inch thorns. It was a perfect lesson as to why you must be ever vigilant in the jungle.

I had been told that I would see monkeys, though I wasn’t sure how probable it was. No one told me that spider monkeys in the Tikal jungle are more abundant than squirrels in the mountains of Utah. I could’ve spent the entire day taking pictures and following the monkeys, but knew that there were others in my presence that perhaps might not share the fascination. I did have a pretty intense desire to see the iconic ruins as well though. So I didn’t mind paying less attention to the monkeys.

We saw several smaller pyramids and buildings before ascending the tallest temple IV. As the steps broke free of the canopy, the view was breathtaking. We stood at the highest point as far as the eye could see. Within less than a kilometer of us there were several other temples poking their heads above the canopy. It was an artistic break from the canvas of green that surrounded everything else. If you looked carefully below us in the tops of the jungles, every now and again you might see the periodic spider monkey or howler monkey. It was a special experience.

The biggest pest we encountered was also one of the smallest. As always in the jungle you need to be careful not to stay put for too long, or at least be ware of where you decide to rest. All of the ants in the jungle bite, and don’t be fooled by their size, they pack a painful bite. Other than that, we were not bothered too badly by anything, or anyone else. The park was even fairly void of tourists, which was wonderful.

            In some of the structures in Tikal you can enter into small rooms, but be warned that if you have any fear of bats, I would advise that you stay out, since bats are found in almost every room. There are various species, but none of which are too terribly large. The main plaza was spectacular and every bit of it was worth the visit and the somewhat pricey entrance fee. After having wandered and visited the majority of the ruins on the grounds, we were about to return to the entrance when the jungle decided to show us why they call it a rainforest. As the clouds opened up, we were soaked in a fraction of a second. It was pointless to seek shelter. We made our way back to the entrance in the downpour. All in all the trip was well worth it, and I have finally visited the ruins that made the Mayans as famous as they are.

After another day in Flores, Astrid and I said our goodbyes and in spite of the tears she shed, I still had to head my own direction as she returned to her home on the Pacific coast.

            A few hours later I found myself crossing the border into Mexico and on to Palenque. The whole state of Chiapas Mexico is known for its gorgeous wilderness and incredible Mayan ruins. At this point of my trip, I am all but out of funds and time, so Palenque and Chiapas where nothing but a bus station as I made my way to Villahermosa.

            For those of you planning to visit southern Mexico, let me just say, you can skip over Villahermosa. It is the opposite of what its name implies. I found nothing about it Hermosa and the heat was intense along with the hotels being overpriced. I stayed at the cheapest one and while I paid more than I had hoped, I received less. I sweat my way through the night since the fan above me was worthless. You know how if you try to wipe up a mess with an already messy rag, the results are more mess. Now apply that principle to the heat and the fan. I served in the temple the next morning and then made my way around the gulf coast to Veracruz. It took the rest of the day and evening to make it there.

For the most part, Mexico is dirtier than most of the places I have been, the people are definite Mexicans in their way of speaking and their mentality. No one approves of their government or the Federales. They recognize the corruption, but nobody knows what can be done about it, unless there were to be a civil war, which most of the people I spoke with, would fully support. The streets of every city I went to are blatantly plastered with sin and corruption and filth. In the couple of hotels that I ended up in, in my last few days that had televisions, were used as though no television existed. Once again, if you find yourself in southern Mexico, just don’t turn on the tv. It is not worth it.

Veracruz, as a city has some very beautiful locations and is quite clean, relatively speaking. The heat is still unbearable, but the location is beautiful and the people are kind and helpful. I stayed long enough to serve in the temple and to realize that all the surfing was further than I desired to travel, but the beaches are pleasant.

            My last three nights in foreign countries were spent in Mexico City, in a very shady part of town. Every night I lay in bed listening to the gunshots in the surrounding neighborhoods, and the sirens that followed.  Though I, personally, never felt in danger, I did spend much of those evenings thinking about those that have not been as blessed as I have been to have such an incredible family. I thought about the dangers they’ve grown up with, and the choices they make day in and day out. Many of those choices end up affecting the lives of others in irreversible ways. What a sad way to live. It’s true that many choose that life for comfort, or a certain measure of security, but too often there are those that choose that life out of greed or sheer rebellion, or even the excitement. These are they for whom I fear. I found my prayers directed towards all those involved in the shootings each night, and for their families that live in fear each night that they may never see their loved one again.

The Monday before returning home to the States, I had one last visit to a tourist trap and I’m glad I did, especially because it was surprisingly super cheap. I visited the Mayan ruins of Teotihuacan. Though the ruins do not span the area that Tikal does, they are no less spectacular and awe inspiring. In fact, the pyramids of the moon and sun are truly colossal. The pyramid of the sun stands at over 200 ft high. On its apex you can see your surroundings for miles and with no jungles to impair the view, the people below are truly miniscule. The sites and views are amazing, but perhaps more intriguing is the artwork of the area that is more preserved than that of Tikal due to the cooler/drier weather in Mexico City. The numerous depictions of Quetzalcoatl are fascinating to see. The history of the area of Mesoamerica is incredible and interesting in many aspects. For me there is a religious fascination as well as historical. I love to read and study about all of the people and to be able to see the work of their hands is priceless.

On Wednesday the nineteenth of September I boarded a plane in Mexico City bound for Las Vegas. It was strange to stare out of the window and recognize the moment that I crossed back into my beloved country. Was this really happening? Was I really going home? So long have I been on the road in these other countries that it has come to be my life. The first couple of months I was gone, it was difficult at times emotionally and physically, but now, nearly five months after having begun my journey I find myself accustomed to the lifestyle. While standing waiting to pass through immigrations, a young man behind me told me how much he loved the fact that in Mexico he could do all of the things he can’t do here in the states and that he wanted to head back and stay for like a month. I pity people like that. Aside from the fact that he lives as a servant to his vices, I doubt he understands or appreciates the true value of other countries. Like so many, he may never see the true value. Others will never see the side of the countries that I’ve seen and will be content to be blinded to reality.

From Vegas I flew to San Francisco and on to Reno where I met my parents. It was great to see them again though it almost felt like I had only been gone for a couple of weeks. Now, as I said, I find myself in a familiar land, but with unfamiliar feelings. Where to from here? What’s next? Once again I enter the world of anxiety and stress.  I find myself in a country of loud and boisterous people. A people I love, but see differently, not because they have changed, but because my perception has.

Five months ago I set out to fulfill a dream that I have had since I was a child. Many things have not gone as I had planned, sometimes that has been for the better and at other times it has frustrated me, but more than anything I have learned more about myself than I imagined I would. Many of the plans I had made, I had believed were dreams, but as it turns out, they are no longer even remote interests. My conviction however, remains. If there are unfulfilled dreams in your life…do all in your power to complete them. Always accomplish the goals you set if at all possible. Never settle for less than the best. That goes for the things in your life, but perhaps more importantly it refers to your own pursuits and accomplishments. We all have a potential to reach that is way beyond what most of us will even attempt. Remember the words of Nelson Mandela, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we were liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” So many times have I shared these words with others and somehow I guess they only touched the surface of my own understanding. Only now have I begun to realize that I have lived my life way below my potential. I had never acknowledged until now that it is due to my own fears of the responsibility that comes with reaching my potential. It would be so much easier to find a comfy job and get settled and live a good life, but that is not who I am. I am a God by birthright. My goal and greatest desire now is to live a life worthy of that divine nature. My potential is way beyond what I have pushed myself to. It is time to find the limits of my potential and push beyond them. As you and God are my witness, I will be the man God intends for me to be. I will no longer be controlled by that fear that I once refused to believe even existed. Doubt not, fear not.

I hope whomever has read these words, over the past many months, have felt inspired to live their lives a little better ad it is my prayer that we all might live up to our true potential. I leave you with these thoughts and desires.  May we make the world a better place by our actions and not just our desires. God be with you.